Reach Farther

I like my corner, my solitary confinement, my easy, my selfish. I like shutting  myself away from life, grieving alone, pitying me, keeping myself focused on only me. I like it when I don't have to share my comfort (my husband) and when I don't have to share my security (my husband) and when I don't have to share my lifeline (my husband).

Maybe though it's when I'm grieving that it's my time to reach farther than my corner. Maybe  allowing my husband to help his family instead of being too clingy and possessive of his comfort is a healthy thing. Maybe sharing my sorrow with a friend instead of keeping it safely inside me is therapeutic. Maybe leaving my house and helping someone else with their children is what heals me. Maybe keeping myself to myself will only make the pain burn deeper. Maybe the time when the last thing I want to do is give me away is the time when it's the most important for me to do. Maybe I need to reach farther than myself. 

A Time to Dance. Or Not ?

“A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;” ‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3:4‬

And just when I know it's the season to dance, a massive missil of sorrow rockets into my
life. Tears flow, my body shakes with grief and my new and wonderful husband has to deal
with a mourning wife instead of a laughing dancing wife .
One thing I have found, however,  that no matter how excruciating the pain of giving up 2
children I love so much, it does not and cannot destroy the joy that has come to me in other
ways, that sadness in one area of my life cannot delete contentment and the sheer happiness
of my new life. And one more thing,  something my husband reminded me of one night when
my heart was mourning, That the One who has held me through every other joy and tragedy
of my life, my Jesus, is the One who still holds me, and will hold me tomorrow, helping me
through the extreme happiness and the extreme sorrows this moment of my life presents.
If  any of you are facing either joy or pain, excitement about the future or a cloud of
discouragement about the future or any combination of these contrasting feelings, remember
Who has promised to keep you. Remember that the One who is in charge of tomorrow is the
One who is holding you, and that sometimes the time to mourn and the time to dance happen simultaneously.