Guiding Lights in the Sky Still Exist, Thousands of Years After First Christmas

Guiding lights in the sky still exist, thousands of years after wisemen followed an unusual star to find Baby Jesus . The auroras shine in the northern sky on all the clear nights. I watch them almost every hour some nights thanks to Little B’s wakings. They talk to me loudly with their moving colours, speaking of unfettered Majesty and Power. They make me feel small in this universe and remind me of the insignificance of the time I occupy compared to forever. These lights in the north are my star of the east. They lead me to Jesus. 

More Wise Words From a Kid

 Our friend, age 11, said something the other day that made my heart so happy. I haven’t spent much time with her lately and had forgotten how profound she can unintentionally be. She was looking over a list of school responsibilities in the congregation (hot lunch, devotions, cleaning) and asked me, “why do they sometimes have just your name and mostly just Brent’s name?” She immediately answered her own question. “Oh, I know ! It’s because you guys do things together. They know that if they write Brent’s name you’ll go with him, or if they write your name they’ll get Brent there as well.” 

That might be the most beautiful thing anyone has said about us. It’s what I want my marriage to be. The instinctive doing all the life things together. 

The annoying “goes ask BTT” I have often told all “our”  kids. And then they come back and tell me “well, BTT says yes if you say yes and no if you say no.” That must have showed told her that we were (generally) in agreement with each other. She’s seen the way we eat meals together, collaborate in caring for Little B, pray together work together on projects together, clean up supper together, the way we don’t make decisions without each other or without at least factoring each other into the decision. All these mundane life things we often do without thinking, pretty much as second nature. These every day things are each fairly inconsequential on its own but add up to a solid happy marriage. And these little things sent a message to our little  friend -“these guys do everything together. They’re basically one person.”  Her parents haven’t modelled a relationship like that so she’s not used to the security and stability of it. But us, we’ve been lucky. We see this kind of relationship modelled a lot -by most of our friends, by our parents, by our siblings, by the couples we go to church with.

Sometimes I’ve balked at the staid Holdeman tradition of using the husband’s name to represent a couple or even whole families. I’ve felt erased. But Lex doesn’t see it that way. She views it as the ultimate inclusion, automatic, because, “you guys do things together.” 

Overthinking and the Internet isn’t Real

When I don’t post for a long time it’s not because I haven’t written anything. I write things but run out of time to finish them. Then I come back to them later and realize how poorly written and arbitrary the piece is and that I’ve written from a biased perspective once again and I give up. 

On the topic of biased perspective: E’s Mom was talking to me in church one day about Mennonite mom blogs / instagrams and how perfect everyone tries to appear on the internet. “The internet isn’t real,” she said. I felt smitten. Maybe this is why I haven’t posted for months.  I think it’s pretty much inevitable to present some degree unrealness on the internet or even in face to face social interactions. There’s really no way for someone to know your actual life / lifestyle without being an intimate day to day part of it. That said, I do acknowledge that some people are better at presenting realness than others. I want to be one of those people.

Are confessions the same as being real? I have one. My son listened to a cocomelon song for the first time in his life tonight. In my defence, I did not let him watch the video.