I’m sorry for how I am today.. I’m sorry I’m so unreliable and tear stained. I’m sorry I’m acting the way I am. Believe me. If I knew how to make myself stop feeling this way I would.
I don’t even know how to tell you why and how I feel.
FlowerGirl was in my arms and someone was coming toward me to take her away and she was saying “no no” and crying and holding on to me. And then I woke up with tears in my eyes which I tried to get rid of cause it’s not a good way to wake up. But I couldn’t. And so now it’s lasted all day.
But it goes back farther than that. This isn’t the first time I’ve dreamed about her. And I don’t talk about it because I know I’m going to cry and be sad and because it’s Difficult to talk.
So now you know a tiny bit.
This was me one day, too many days, since August. I hope days like this are over. Sometime I imagine that healing has started and the grief won’t ever hit so hard again. But time will tell.
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