A Revelation

A Revelation

The Sermonette I wrote to myself tonight.

“casting all your care upon him; 
for he careth for you.” 1Peter‬ ‭5:7‬

No one (but me) ever talks about their least favourite verse in the Bible. Because so many others love this verse I’ve only thought of it as a cliche and never as words that could be meaningful to me.  I’ve never stopped to think about the meaning of it. Possibly the main reason I’ve avoided thinking about casting my care on anyone else but myself is that I love to carry my cares around alone feeling all proud of my broad shoulders.

Week 8.

It’s hard to write about now. 

Everything is visceral and intense. 

The emotions, bigger and better and more complicated than I imagined. 

The actions. Hours and hours of breast feeding. The many is-he-still-breathing checks I perform in my newmom paranoia. 

The state of being. No being alone. ever. Semi exhausted but also motivated and euphoric when it comes to the small human. 

The secrecy. Eavesdropping on BébéB having deep conversations with his daddy. Keeping the secrets he shares with me during his 4am diaper changes. 

The feelings. So much delight in BébéB’s smiles and coos. So much excitement and pride in when he learns new things. So much love when I look into his blue blue eyes and see them crinkle in a smile. 

The ways my self and my life have metamorphosed in the last two months: not at all but also completely.