The Goodness of God

The song The Goodness of God has been my heart off and on in the last year or two and now  particularly through the last few weeks. The writers of this song are apparently controversial in modern churches, but to me their words are still valuable even if their lives are not perfect. There’s so much that resonates. There’s so much that brings tears. As of this week I’m trying to desensitize myself to it so I don’t weep buckets when I hear it sung beautifully at my little  bro’s wedding in a few weeks. 

I love You, Lord

Oh, Your mercy never failed me. 

This is easy enough to say. 

And all my days, I've been held in Your hands

This line makes me cry. The safety it invokes in the middle of trauma and chaos is infinitely comforting. It reminds me to keep believing this, that I am never alone. 

I love Your voice. 

You have led me through the fire. 

He has led me through the fire and I’ve been afraid of a voice that leads through fire. This 

 reminds me of another song.  Thy best, thy heavenly Friend, through thorny ways, leads to a joyful end. (Song: Be Still my Soul ) I know from past experience that the fire or thorny ways, though they may go on much longer or more intensely than I anticipated, have joy on the other side of them in life and from faith that they will have an even more joyful end later in heaven. 

I've known You as a Father

I've known You as a Friend

I know God differently in different seasons. This season I’ve needed a Father to comfort and guide me. 

I have lived in the goodness of God.

I have lived in the goodness of God. When I doubt this, my Bible is full of notes and highlighted parts that witness to this truth throughout my life so far. I have lived in the goodness of God. God’s goodness isn’t sporadic; it exists at all times in all situations. 

Your goodness is running after, it's running after me

I haven’t been sure what these words were referring to until I felt them in my own life. The days that I feel empty, completely empty, void of any emotion and so tired, those days I feel Your goodness …running after me. When I don’t have the energy or will power to seek out God’s goodness, it still finds me. In the small saving routines of daily life. In the beautiful expansive winter outside my door. In a tiny newborn niece to snuggle through multiple hours and multiple bouts of screaming. In the sparkle in LittleB’s eye. In the rough frequent hugs from my overgrown brother-in-law Teddy. 

With my life laid down, I'm surrendered now

I give You everything

In the middle of grief there are days it feels like I have nothing left to give, not even to God. In those moments of utter dejection grief gives me the cynical perspective that nothing is worth holding onto very tightly because anything else could be taken away at any moment. This isn’t laying down my life, it’s not surrender. It’s self preservation, self pity, just plain selfishness. 

All my life You have been faithful

All my life You have been so, so good

He has been. He is. God is so, so good even when life is not. 

With every 

breath that I am able

I will sing of the goodness of God.