Overthinking and the Internet isn’t Real

When I don’t post for a long time it’s not because I haven’t written anything. I write things but run out of time to finish them. Then I come back to them later and realize how poorly written and arbitrary the piece is and that I’ve written from a biased perspective once again and I give up. 

On the topic of biased perspective: E’s Mom was talking to me in church one day about Mennonite mom blogs / instagrams and how perfect everyone tries to appear on the internet. “The internet isn’t real,” she said. I felt smitten. Maybe this is why I haven’t posted for months.  I think it’s pretty much inevitable to present some degree unrealness on the internet or even in face to face social interactions. There’s really no way for someone to know your actual life / lifestyle without being an intimate day to day part of it. That said, I do acknowledge that some people are better at presenting realness than others. I want to be one of those people.

Are confessions the same as being real? I have one. My son listened to a cocomelon song for the first time in his life tonight. In my defence, I did not let him watch the video. 

Broken In

Broken in. my favourite cast iron pan, my most used pizza stones, BTT’s grandma’s timeless cutlery that graces our table at every meal, the tired sweatshirt that is still the coziest one I own. A pair of shoes I’ve owned for years. Some things work better after you break them in. 

Broken in. People can be broken in too. 

The ones who’ve had children almost die or lost babies. The ones who’ve lived through financial ruin. People who’ve taught dozens of students and maneuvered years of tricky relationships with parents and boards. The ones who’ve experienced trauma after trauma but still have a shaky smile or kind word to give. The ones who are a little lost and a little confused and admit it. People who’ve lived most of their life in pain, physical, mental. People who’ve loved and cared for other people’s children for decades. People who’ve lost or had to let go of the people they love. People who have recognized a negative behaviour or trait in themselves and worked to change it. People who’ve come back from the depth of despair, the brink of death, or the cold corners of hatred or anger. People who have had mostly smooth sailing, but allowed the little hiccups of life to sand them down and make them look a little more broken in.  

broken in doesn’t mean we’re worn out. It doesn’t even we’re mean broken, although some of us are or have been. Broken-in people are people who’ve lived through something hard and instead of breaking at their weak spots or after breaking at their weak spots, they heal, they become stronger. The wear and tear of life shows on them, but it hasn’t destroyed them.  

I go to church with so many broken-in people and I love that about them. I meet them in stores, they sit on my couches. They stand in my entrance and focus on my wear and tear and not their own; I want to learn to do this. 

My grandma once told me something that comes back lto me periodically: “As people age, they either get better or they get bitter”. Tonight I’m rephrasing this for myself. Am I letting life wear me out or break me in ?

Marinade for Meats

Returning today to  share this summer’s marinade. Honestly it’s every summer’s marinade for me, but every year it gets twisted a little further from the original. 

I’m posting this in the most confusing format I could come up with. Kidding. It’s not intentionally confusing but I can see it might be hard to follow. The first recipe is the one I’ve based my current recipe on. I’ve been making this recipe for over 10 years, probably more like 15. And it’s still delicious. It didn’t need changing really. But I guess I got bored somewhere through the years and decided to starting substituting and adding ingredients liberally.

The second recipe is the one I currently use. I’ve included the original ingredients above the current ones for comparison. That’s the part I thought looked a little confusing when I proofread this post. Sorry not sorry.

Original Recipe from Someone Named Cyndi Who Once (or twice or thrice) Lived in Malawi 

•3 TBSP Lemon juice

•1/4 cup veg oil

•2 TBSP Ketchup 

•1/2 cup Soy sauce 

•1 TBSP Garlic salt

Mix together. Add chicken breasts. Allow to Marinade. Cook. 

2023 Version by me myself and moi

Instead of Lemon juice:
•pickled jalapeño brine, red wine vinegar, balsamic vinegar, and maybe a dash of lemon or lime juice: a mixture of equalish parts of these totalling 1/4 cup

Instead of Vegetable oil:
•1/4 cup olive oil or avocado oil

Instead of Ketchup 

•2 TBSP homemade salsa  

Instead of Garlic salt

•a couple cloves or 1/2 - 1 tsp garlic  powder

•1/2 cup Soy sauce -I don’t change or substitute this ingredient. Shocking.  I have left it out when making it for someone who doesn’t do soy sauce. 

My Additions:

•Dijon mustard. I don’t know why Dijon mustard, Except that is ever a dish that  Dijon mustard doesn’t improve? I Add a tablespoon or maybe two. A few squirts. The amount isn’t hugely important.

•Worcestershire sauce -a couple shakes will do 

•Pickled Jalapeño slices 

•Any fresh herbs I have at hand. Like I won’t go out and pick them just for this but if I have them wilting on the counter I’ll throw them in. 

•maple syrup or honey. I often drizzle in a small amount of one of these natural sweeteners just because with using salsa instead of ketchup the marinade could be lacking sweetness and end up too astringent from all the acids and the soy sauce 

••• I mix everything together in a ziplock bag give it a shake then dump in my meat. Chicken thighs / breasts / wings. Steaks. Pork tenderloin medallions. Often when I have fresh meat I’ll put some of it into this marinade and toss it in the freezer and forget about it until I need it.you can grill this, add to your disk meal and wrap it in homemade tortillas, make it into a stirfy (the orignal recipe suggests this) etc. 

We grilled (or fire roasted) meats for most Sunday dinners this summer. I prioritized keeping sides simple and usually doing only one per meal: airfryer sweet potato fries, baked beans, my favourite sourdough seed bread (yes this is the second post in a row I’ve mentioned this bread, no I’m not being sponsored I’m just always obsessed) with homemade garlic herb butter, pan fried green beans, that kind of thing. Eating leisurely Sunday dinners in our very own park I mean yard, then staying sitting most of the afternoon drinking iced tea is one of my happiest memories from this summer. But now The cool evenings have been whispering to me that grilling season is almost over for the year, and so I present this recipe as an homage to summer 2023.

2 Uses for Fresh Herbs

Summer is not the time for inside on my phone. It is the time for outside with my boy, outside with my garden, outside at the lake, outside on the lawn mower and also for cooking with all the delicious things from my garden and all the other amazing summer produce. And so This post has taken all summer to write. Finally posting.

Last summer I posted this Chimichurri recipe. This summer I’m back with more uses for fresh herbs a Ranch dressing style recipe and a recipe for herbed goat cheese. You could buy mediocre versions of them at the store, but if you’re obsessed  with growing herbs or buy fresh herbs you can make them much better yourself. 

 Scroll down for the recipes. 

Herbed Goat Cheese

I served this with my favourite my favourite sour dough seed bread for Father’s Day lunch recently and thought it paired so well with the nutty flavours of that. 

Ingredients :

+Goat Cheese 

+Mixture of Fresh Herbs -chives, dill, basil, parsley, oregano*

+Salt and Pepper 

+small amount fresh garlic or garlic scapes, optional 

Directions:

••Mince herbs and garlic. Mix into goat cheese. Salt and pepper to taste. Spread thin layers on breads or toasts , in sandwiches, etc.

*I use chives, basil, oregano and dill. I find fresh dill can be overpowering in something like this and I wanted to be able to taste the other herbs as well so I started with a small amount of dill, tasted and then added a bit more to my liking. In my opinion the chives being all flavours together, but if you don’t like onion you may want to skip them.  

Ranchish Dressing, but Much Much Better

Yes, it’s the same as every other recipe you find on the internet for this kind of thing. No I do not actually eat bought ranch dressing except in extreme situations. 

Ingredients 

+Dill,  more of this than the other herbs 

+Parsley

+Chives / green onion

+basil

+oregano, optional 

+ cilantro, optional  (only use if you want that flavour, on fajitas for example)

+ salt and pepper 

+ tony cachere’s créole seasoning 

+ small amount minced garlic or garlic powder

+ sour cream 

+ mayonnaise 

+ dash of cream / milk -optional, depending what consistency you’re looking for

Directions :

+Mince the herbs. well. In a pint jar dump 2 parts sour cream to 1 part mayonnaise. Add the minced herbs, salt and pepper and Tony’s seasoning. You need it to bring the other flavours together. 

+Mix, mix. 

+Taste it. In this recipe I’m looking for dill to be the slightly dominant flavour with chives right behind it and the other herbs complimenting. Fresh Basil and especially oregano can have strong flavours so I try to add less of those to begin with and add more as needed. 

+The consistency should be like a spread or dip. Depending how you’re using this (as a dressing for salad for example) you can thin it down with a splash of milk

+Use fresh herbs, ideally. I can’t speak to how this tastes with dried herbs; I haven’t tried it. Also this could definitely be made with only 2 or 3 different herbs. I wouldn’t skip the dill though, unless adding lots of cilantro for a Tex mex style of dressing.

+Now all the ways to use this, my favourite part. •Dip for veg. •Over baked potatoes. •Salads. •In wraps, this I highly highly recommend. •spread on bread when making sandwiches •spread on crackers, top with a slice of cheese and/or grilled meat and a slice of jalapeño but if you don’t like jalapeño skip that; I’m obsessed with this random combination. •I’m sure there are more ways to use this that I haven’t thought of. •Basically use any place you’d use ranch / other salad dressings,

Note to Self

This moment is important. 

Stay in it. 

Don’t miss it.

Babies soon become toddlers. 

Wedding days quickly become 6 years of marriage. 

Time, slow down. 

One

Every stick and pebble is a toy. 

Every puddle is a possibility. 

Every animal equals love. 

Every baby needs a hug. 

Every kiss ends with a giggle. 

Every time we put on shoes it means we’re going on an adventure adventure. 

Every meal is for throwing on the floor. 

Every parent is a jungle gym. 

Every auntie wants to share her food. 

Every stranger is just hanging around waiting to pick up Kitty from the floor.  

Every evening ends with trying to fall asleep in the bathtub.

Every outside time includes a chat with the cat and a hug to the dog.

Every social event for your parents is one fun game if catch-me-if-you-can for you

Every cow says “eee eee”  

Everyone who drives a quad or dirt bike or lawn mower is doing that only because they know you want a ride.

Every problem is solved by your momma and daddd. 

when you’re one, and it’s summer.

One Year a Mother

Mid morning today, sitting on a blanket by a pond with my baby I live my ideal version of being a mom. Keeping it real, the sky is grey with smoke from distant wildfires, the baby is sick, the ground is a little wet through the blanket. But still there are those stupid happy tears again. 

And by happy tears I mean that weird prickling in my eyes and a tear drop or two if I’m really out of control. These Happy tears were something I wasn’t prepared for. I’d never cried happy tears in my life before I became a mother. Now I can’t stop. 

You might be thinking, “shes taking post partum hormones seriously ?!” but I think it’s more than that. Motherhood has changed me irreversibly and one of those changes has been crying when my heart is too full to hold any more happiness. This first year has been a collage of moments when I think life can’t get any better than it is this is exact second. 5 extra minutes rocking the sweet child just so I can watch his perfect sleeping face, the split second when I turn around and catch Little B hugging Rebel the dog. Introducing Little B, 52 times the age he was last year at this time, to outside in summer -gurgling water, warm wind in our hair, grass on bare feet, mud puddles. BTT and Little B being silly together.

So I cry when I’m happy. It’s fine. I’ve changed in other ways too. My heart has changed, softened in many ways and hardened in a few. My brain has rewired itself irreversibly, my arms that used to be independent now feel empty when my child has long naps. And most embarrassingly, the cliches I’ve ridiculed pre motherhood all hold true for me -I wouldn’t have it any other way, my child is the cutest cleverest one that’s ever existed, they grow too fast, love is blind. 

There’s a lot of talk about how hard being a mother is. And it is sometimes. But today, on Mother’s Day, a year after become a mother, I celebrate the best, the happiest, the every dayest parts of my year as a mom.