Emptiness

I went to sleep empty, with prayers on my lips as my eyes closed.
I woke up mostly empty still, loathe to get up and face life. I did it though, because there was no other option.
At school, I sat listlessly and sorta stared off into space until the kathunk of the front door signalled the children had started arriving. And even as they walked in class, a distracted "good morning" was my only acknowledgment that my job for the day had begun.
Somewhere between writing Joshua 1.9 on smooth wood chips and singing a rejuvenating round of "so get along little pony and keep a watchful eye!" my heart filled up a little.
And hearing my kiddies yell their 5 times tables as they ran around the school and watching them come in breathless and excited made me a little excited about the day too.
Then, spending much of math class working with J on almost every one of his math problems and hearing Shaniah say about her math lesson that "this isn't hard!" inserted hope and determination into my spirit.
 A shouting, inspired noon soccer game followed by finishing our exhilarating true adventure book at story time reminded me about finding pleasure in minuscule day-to-day rhythms.
Unplanned, I spent extra time with the grade 4 reading class and then surprised them (and myself) by saying they should draw pictures instead of the usual answer-10-questions-about-the-story. Their sparkling eyed joy at that tiny break in monotony made my eyes sparkle a little too, in reflection of their happiness.
And during last period I made split second decision and gave everyone a break in science (only a 10 question quiz). I watched my girls enthusiastically work together to make star shapes by tying twigs together and rough and the beautiful results of their work made me joyful when the children had gone home and it was just me, standing and staring at stars made from branches.
And all day, whenever i was sitting at my desk I saw the morning's scrap of wood prominently propped against the candle on one corner of my desk with four words jumping out at me whenever I raised my head to answer a waving hand. BE OF GOOD COURAGE.
This emptiness isn't something I can change. But I can be of good courage and then, I think, God  changes that.