Adrenaline Detox

October.

October has truly been an adrenaline detox, at least for me. Our summer of busyness merged into an autumn of calm. We’re in our new house, and the majority of work on the exterior that we had planned to get done before winter is complete -we surprised even ourselves at how we met that goal. The garden is harvested. My work has slowed down, my husband’s too, somewhat. We’ve kept socializing to a minimum due to the illnesses spiralling through the congregation in recent weeks. It’s been quiet. 

Involuntary Detox

Like all ddetoxes, it hasn’t been painless. I chafe under the weight of too many days of getting nothing accomplished. I pine for the faces of the children I cared all spring and summer. I even miss the adrenaline high of chasing a runaway 8 year old across the city of Yorkton when he took off in anger after a fight with his auntie. 

I certainly didn’t plan to spend half of September and most of October motionless. I didn’t plan that I would have no work in the last few weeks, although to some extent I am grateful for that. I do know from other years that there is almost always a few weeks of lull between finishing up the last outside jobs and starting the rush of winter work. This year I’m hoping that lull lasts a little longer than usual so we can get more things done in this house before the busy towing season starts. 

I still get the occasional adrenaline rush. 

Sometimes I have to race the sun. Like the night I needed to get to Pelly to unlock a difficult dodge truck before daylight ran out. I lost that race. I also forgot my step stool. Luckily Mr and Mrs Ukraine were kind enough to 1. Find me an ancient chair to stand on and 2. hold a flashlight so I could see what I was doing. #amateurbreak-inartist 

I juggle the children, which can be exciting. Especially when they’re used to following their own rules, but they’re at my house so I have to enforce my rules to keep them safe. Example #1: we don’t take off walking across the field without telling anyone where we’re going. When I figure out where they are I practice not yelling frantically at them that they knew better. Also, BTT and I get to practice our parenting. (We’re bad at it) Him: “I though we’d decided only 2 kids on the quad. Why are you letting 3 of them ride at once?” Me: “I told them only 2 on the quad. I thought you were the one who let them all ride together!” Clearly we need to up our communication game. 

I play midnight chase vehicle to ambulances with a little brother and my husband inside. BTT and I take turns sitting anxiously by an emergency room hospital bed watching our child transition slowly back to reality and squinting into the neon lights of the hospital parking lot hoping for some epiphany to come out of this long sleepless night. (I never asked Brent if he was hoping for an epiphany, but I was.) Morning finally came and with it discharge; we heralded the sunrise by feeding the baby bird tiny bites of still-warm doughnut and half a can of Pepsi on the drive home and also venting frustration at the lack of answers /help we had received for him. (This is the same little brother I wrote about in the post No One Talks About the Days.) 

Conclusion. 

I have spent days trying to come up with the concluding paragraph I used to teach my students about. I’m continuously blank about how to complete this post or even how to edit it for readability, typos, grammar and interestingness. Okay. Thanks. Bye. (This ending is for you, Sister.) 

Berry Coconut Smoothies (dairy free)

BTT and I had to create a dairy free version of our 
smoothies for an event today. This is what we came 
up with and we were quite happy with the result. Better 
yet, the women who ate them seemed happy, as well.

INGREDIENTS 

 •Splash of almond milk, 1/4-2/2 cup 

•1 can coconut milk or equivalent amount coconut cream  

•1 pint of canned peaches, drained or fresh peaches (frozen could work too but you might have to adjust the amount of liquid)

•3-4 cups of frozen berries: raspberries, strawberries, and/or blueberries

•Whipped coconut cream for topping (optional)

•Chia seeds

•Toasted coconut 

DIRECTIONS 

Dump the milks and fruits  into a blender and blend well . You can check/ taste the finished product and then adjust it to your liking. See below for ideas. Top with whipped coconut cream, and a sprinkle of chia seeds and toasted coconut. Even if you don’t have the coconut cream don’t skip the other toppings. The toasted coconut complements the coconut milk in the smoothies beautifully. 

A FEW IDEAS FOR A BETTER SMOOTHIE 

•Use the thickest coconut milk, the stuff that’s more like coconut cream than coconut milk. You can tell the difference by shaking the cans; the thin stuff will slosh around and the thicker stuff won’t move much or make much sound. Personally I like the stuff from Dollarama because I’ve found it to be consistently thick instead of runny. Also, drain off the coconut water and only use the creamy stuff off the top. If your coconut milk is thickened there should only be a tablespoon or two of water at the bottom to drain out. 

•Add more almond milk for a thinner consistency, but be careful not to add too much. BTT found that adding too much more almond milk made it too runny. 

•more coconut milk/cream will make it creamier 

•a dash of maple syrup could be  added for sweetness, although we didn’t try it. 

•if it’s too thin add more fruit to thicken

•these aren’t the sweet milk-shake -like smoothies of your childhood. They’re actually pretty healthy and not super sweet. Adjust your expectations accordingly. 

Just the Punctuation

Just the Punctuation from a few things I can’t or don’t want to or haven’t gotten around to posting. A couple lists. A sarcastic but loving tirade. A recipe. Some lengthy life stories. And a few more things. 

There are some fun writing tools on the internet. Although this one isn’t specifically useful, I think the end result is beautiful and probably profound. 0040 is not the best time to analyze what this  says about me or my writing. But do I really use that many commas? 

Self-improvement September

Dont lie to me, he tells me. 

And then, Women always say that:

I don’t need anything. 

I wasn’t hungry anyway. 

I’m okay. 

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. 

You go, I’ll be fine. 

People experience similar things, but rarely, maybe never, are two experiences/emotions identical. Close enough to be relatable, absolutely. Identical, I doubt it. So. when my husband plays the women always card I usually get upset at him. This time I looked into his eyes and laughed, because in that moment it felt like he spoke the truth about me, and he spoke it in the kindest way he knew. I knew he was clumsily trying to help me realize something about myself and our relationship. And if it’s a truth about people other than me, women or men, great. If not, it’s still me. 

Tell me if you can relate to me. If you’re Someone who says she’s okay, she’ll manage, when in reality she probably won’t. Someone who sacrifices the things she needs for the people around her, when it’s not healthy for anyone involved. Someone who apologizes for her personality instead of apologizing for the things she can control -her words for example. Someone who pushes away the people who try to listen to her. Someone who says no when someone wants to help.  Someone who hides her weaknesses behind responsibilities and commitments. Someone who refuses to admit to being incapable.

I’m all about being an independent, capable, strong woman, about being unselfish (but you know from my last post how hard that is for me.) and sometimes life doesn’t leave me a lot of choices. But frequently my stubborn independence and strength alienates people close to me, and my unwillingness to admit weakness makes it difficult to be realistic. 

I’m saying it like it is today. 

I was too chicken to post this when I wrote it, but after my post earlier this week I decided I have nothing to lose. September seems to be the time for personal growth essays. Readers, do you have any of your own to share ? 

Maybe in October I’ll switch from self improvement to house improvement stories. Who is interested in reading those ?

No One Talks About the Days

No one talks about the days when you sit on a gravel pile beside your brother in law and try not to cry.* Tears Because. All the things. But Basically because you’re a selfish person and can’t muster up the patience today (and yesterday and the day before that, and beyond) demands. Also Because you’re tired of his passive aggressive attempts to hurt you every time he gets within kicking or shoving distance.  Also because you can’t listen to one more of his continuous inane questions without screaming. Also because there’s one slice of pizza in the fridge that’s calling your name really loudly, but you know that as a semi-loving semi-responsible adult you’ll have to share it with him. At least he kept the swearing for his mother. 

In the moment, I just see behaviours. The agression. The whining. The not listening. The calling his mom a string of expletives. The crying dramatically if he doesn’t get what he wants. The purposely doing things to annoy people. The endless endless endless talking. 

In the moment I don’t think about how his life has been. The first few weeks of school this year  have been hard for him -a favourite teacher quit after the first few days because a not so favourite teacher isn’t cooperating to make his school days happy and successful. Home Life is a little chaotic right now with people working crazy hours on harvesting and meals happening in random locations and fields. Further back, he has struggled for most of his life with illnesses, seizures, and physical handicaps. Further back yet, before he was belonged to this family, he was a tragically neglected baby who was never removed from his car seat for the first months of his life and had minimal human interaction before coming to live with our family.  

Life with a child with handicaps is difficult. He’s not my child, but he’s spent a lot of time at our house lately. (Remind me again -why did we move so close to The Parents?) He can be precious, adorable, loving, even helpful. These qualities have been scarce recently. When he was in bed tonight, the last battle of the day over, I was finally able to get some perspective -to think about the tragedies of his life and how they have impacted him, to remember that he does not have to tools to communicate his feelings, emotions, or even physical pains through words. “Every behaviour is a message,” says my mil after he’s finally asleep. His behaviours are so much easier to process when he’s sleeping. 

An admonition. Treat people with handicaps with respect. Treat their caregivers with respect. You may not be someone who knows what it’s like, and that’s okay. A former student who is growing up fast told me some wise words today about how to treat “our” child, and this applies universally. “Treat him like you treat everyone else,” she said, “kindly.”

*i realize this specific situation is not a universal problem. however, selfishness and reacting badly in difficult situations are. if anyone has suggestions for ways to be a better adult in these situations I would love to hear them. 

A Word on Subscibring, and How Mennonite Weddings are Just Big Memory Games

First of all, thanks, Cuz, for the post last week. I was as excited to post it as you all were to read! It gave my blog some new perspective and meaning on life and living with a chronic disease. Some readers have expressed interested in hearing Mom Life perspectives so this post certainly qualified in that category as well.  

Life Update 

We moved. Finally. We’ve been in our house for over two weeks now, and have had (night) company for a lot of that time. Although it’s easy to focus on all the work we have ahead of us, we are so relieved to be out of town in the wide open space of our acreage. This week we’ve worked on chopping holes in the interior of the house, putting windows in the basement and finding creative ways to keep the cat outside every night. Re the Cat: he’s won every night so far. We kind of spoiled him when the little girls were here by letting him sleep with them. I know. I know. But have you ever seen anything cuter than a little girl snuggled up to a big Worange cat ?  

I have our old house listed on AirBnb, and we just finished successfully hosting our fantastic first guest (fantastic because he left a good review). He stayed for nearly a week. I couldn’t believe my luck; I never imagined there were actually people looking for short term rentals in our sleepy village !  I’m also convinced it’s only beginner’s luck; I probably won’t get any more bookings, but it was a good beginning. 

My Mums and two little sisters came to spend time with me (us).  They stayed for a whole week, which is about 6 days longer than they usually stay.  The little girls had a happy time going to Bible school, and Mums worked hard helping me with all sorts of things. We ate better when she was here than we have all summer; she even left delicious foods and ingredients  in our fridge /freezer when she went home. 

Memory Games 

I sat beside a sil at a wedding reception the other day and tried to figure out who people were. Who’s that teenager. Whose kid is that. Who is that girl’s husband. Is this one a friend to that one.  Is that guy in love with that girl. Almost every person is part of a set -a family, a friendship, a marriage, a youth group. Many people belong to several sets. A friendship and youth group. A family and a congregation. I spend my time matching people up and asking other people for hints when I can’t figure out who belongs with whom. Unlike in a real Memory Game, people are usually happy to give hints about the matched sets they know about and also ask questions of their own. Usually there’s one or two people who aren’t part of any set at all, and those ones are the most confusing. Sadly, my memory is lacking. I may have inherited some form of face blindness. If Mennonite weddings were actually a massive game of Memory, I’d lose big time.  

Subscribing. 

I still haven’t figured out a new notification system for my blog. The data service at our new house is less than stellar and our wifi hasn’t been set up yet, so anything more than basic messaging blogging internet use (ie. situations where I have to load a lot of different pages/ articles) is difficult right now. For now, if anyone is interested in subscribing I’ll use an old fashioned, unautomated method. If you want alerts on new posts, send me your email address or WhatsApp number and I will add you to a broadcast. Once you’re part of the broadcast you’ll get a message every time another post goes up on my blog. To be qualified for updates send your contact info to my mobile number or through my email address peacelovefords@gmail.com. 

My Life With an Autoimmune Disease and Becoming a Wife and Mama ☆guest post☆

Today, a guest post from my friend who is also my cousin.

My Life With an Autoimmune Disease and Becoming a Wife and Mama

☆guest post☆

I was diagnosed with JRA,(Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis), when I was one year old. I have never known life without it. I learned to walk approximately a month before I turned 2. It was a miracle and I am very grateful to God that I'm not in a wheelchair. My parents could tell you more about the early days, months, and years of this than I can. I'll try and give you a little glimpse of how my life has been. 

RA has definitely made my life painful and not always very easy. I haven't been able to do everything my friends were doing such as running fast or playing well at games and sports in school. Some sports I didn't participate in at all. (I went to our private church school for 9 years.) I also have suffered from side effects of medications at times. After I had graduated from grade 9 I was able to do some babysitting. When I was 16 and a half I started working part-time babysitting a darling baby boy. That job became more full time and I was there when another darling baby boy joined the family and I stayed with them till the oldest was 6 and the youngest was 3. Then I headed off an hour from home to teach school in another of our private church schools. I stayed there for 2 school terms, had a few months off and headed off to Edmonton to volunteer for 6 months. Then I came home and taught in another of our church schools closer to home for one school term. When that school term was over I guess I figured that with me having arthritis and all and I was 26.5, I wasn't going to get married, so I accepted this fact. Soon after that acceptance, I received a proposal from my fellow teacher. I said yes. During these different stages of life I suffered from various arthritis flare ups, pain, side effects from meds, etc. During our engagement I changed my arthritis meds because the one I was on was making me feel nauseated and sick a lot of the time. This new med didn't make me feel this way thankfully. We got married and enjoyed young couple life. Of course there are adjustments to a new life. And my health was not the best. I didn't have a lot of energy and I couldn't garden because kneeling is pretty painful for my knees. I know my yard wasn't beautiful and it hurt sometimes to know that and wonder what others were thinking. I compared to other young married women and I didn't do a lot of things that they did. I've had to realize and remind myself many times that people will not always understand and I shouldn't compare either. It hurts sometimes but a person has to get over that. And not only that! I need to remind myself many times not to judge others either. Arthritis is an invisible disease to a certain extent. I don't know what invisible things others are dealing with. I hope and pray I can be understanding. I also want to say that my life wasn't all discouraging and filled with pain. I've had many happy times and blessings too. Now I'll write a little on getting myself to motherhood. 

First of all I asked my rheumatologist what the chances were of me having a child with RA. I don't remember numbers, but he told me that the chance of me having a child with RA is only slightly higher than for someone who doesn't have RA. 

When you are on certain types of meds you can't get pregnant while you are on them. That's how it was for me. This meant going off of my medication, cleansing it from my body and waiting a certain amount of months before trying to get pregnant. During that time my arthritis majorly flared and I could hardly walk. So they put me on a pregnancy-safe med and I didn't get pregnant. Finally I found out that this particular med can mess with your cycles. So I switched meds and it didn't take long after that. My pregnancy was not all easy. Morning sickness, sinus infection, scary arthritis flare, and the pandemic. But I made it to 40 weeks...

MOTHERHOOD 

In summer 2020 our dear little C was born, via emergency c-section. She was born right on my due date. A tiny little thing, but the sweetest little thing. We were in the hospital for a couple of days before we went home. Then my husband was home the rest of the week before going back to work. Because I had c-section I had to have full time help so our families pitched in, especially my mother and my mother in law. Also the church ladies brought meals. About 2 weeks postpartum, I landed up back in the hospital with infection on my incision. Little C and my husband were with me there. Once we were home again I had to have home care come in to do dressing changes. Our moms continued to help us. I feel like the newborn stage was not the most fun for me because of all the extra complications, but I adored our sweet little baby even if it meant getting up a lot at night. Being in a pandemic with unbearable lockdowns, having RA, and having a baby didn't make life very easy. I relied on my mom a lot when my husband was at work. I was depressed at times. BUT there are so many joys in motherhood and I believe that they far outweigh the bad things that happened/happen. Watching a baby develop is so much fun! Learning to eat cereal and baby food from a jar, learning to move around, playing with toys, giggling,  cooing, talking, getting teeth(not all fun), learning to crawl, eating table food, and so much more! Little C is my life. She is now a year old. No, I still don't get everything done. My yard isn't beautiful, I don't always get meals cooked, and our house is often dirty. But my husband is so good about bringing food home or helping cook. (We also have some meals at our parents' places.) My husband helps with other jobs too.

I have to remind myself that the most important thing as a mama is keeping my little one happy. Reading to her, singing to her, feeding her, talking to her. Yes, I have to get laundry and dishes done, but she will play happily a lot of times while I'm busy. Sometimes she likes to come "help" me. I love her so much! She is the joy and happiness in my day. So is my husband! It's fun to make him happy too! When I feel up to it, I enjoy cooking a good meal. 

Some days are easier than others. Some days I feel like I hardly get anything done. Little C maybe had a bad night and so I'm tired and don't get a lot done. Sometimes dishes are stacked up in the sink for a week or more. Sometimes they get done every day. Thankfully I have a dishwasher so a lot of the dishes go in there. 

I feel like I'm jumping around with my thoughts here a little. Another thing about having arthritis and being a mom is that the first how many months of Little C's life she mostly got her baths at my mom's house. I can't kneel on my knees so to kneel on the floor by a bathtub wasn't an option. My mom has a nice big laundry sink where we gave Little C her baths. Now she is big enough she can have baths at home. I had to bathe with her the first while because she was scared of the running water but now she loves baths and I sit on the edge to watch her play and wash her. 

One more thing. I feel so grateful for my husband! In the evenings he generally takes care of Little C while I quickly finish up some work, have a shower, and take a rest in bed reading and just relaxing. I need this so I can keep on being the happy Mama I want to be.

Being a wife and Mama isn't always easy when you have RA. But it is 100% worth it!!!