Last Day of Over-Sharing Challenge

DAY 30: What I feel When I Write

First a Life Update. In keeping with yesterday’s post on goals, I accomplished one of my immediate ones. We got my snowmobile running today. That involved rebuilding the top end of the motor. BTT says I did most of the work, but that wasn’t strictly true. I took it apart and put it back together but the in between important stuff was mostly him. A also contributed, mostly by talking a lot, but also with some helpful bolt inputting. Whoever it was, it worked. And we’re all happy with the outcome. And now we can go sledding and bring all our kids sledding. This is a good winter for snowmobiling parties since most other activities are off. 

What I Feel When I Write: I’ve read many blogs, but I don’t remember anyone writing about this. I’m sure people have, but maybe not many people, and not the people I read. 

When I’ve written this month I’ve often felt pressured. That’s not ideally something I like to feel when I write. Because I am night owly, and write best at night, many of these last 30 posts have been written in the evening or later, and when I do that, my eyes scold me. Writing with the knowledge of an audience isn’t ideal. Maybe if you all were strangers it would be easier. Sometimes I think you’re going to know too much about the real me, maybe not so much by what I write as by the way I write. I’m scared of too many people knowing me. 

I like my words to come from me, to stem organically from my thoughts and my life. I like my writing to be effortless. I like to lose myself in my own or keyboard. I like to stop writing and surprised at the words in front of me. I like my hand to get cramped from trying to keep up with the words flowing out of me. This is all idealist, but it’s my truest form of writing. Maybe it’s my truest self. When I can write like this, I feel cleansed. When I empty my mind onto a paper or screen, it’s a form of freedom. I realize things I never know about myself, about my thoughts, about my life, about other people. 

To reiterate and condense: I think best in writing. Writing calms me. Writing makes everything make sense. You guys freak me out. 

There. I’m done my 30 day challenge. Maybe I’ll disappear for a while to recover from over sharing. Or maybe this habit will stick.