DAY 1: Describe My Personality
A friend challenged me to a 30 day writing challenge, which I’m going to try. I’m not good at writing on demand so I’ll see how it goes; Perhaps this will help me improve. Today’s challenge: describe your personality. I feel like I failed miserably at it.
Is personality 100% inborn, or does it change throughout your life according to the things that happen to you ? I’ve taken all the personality tests and I think they’ve all come out pretty similarly. According to those, Imma middle of the personalities person, maybe hovering closer to the brink of the inhibited melancholy than to the dramatic sanguine. I’ve changed a lot in my 20’s, which I think is what happens to a lot of people, and, right now, I’m not sure where I am anymore.
Quarter life crisis, identity crisis, It’s a thing. I’m not making it up. And it’s a good scapegoat for me to blame my feelings or actions on, a good way to express how I’m feeling. And thanks to a conversation with C, I know I, not the only one dealing with these feelings. It’s not a big deal, but right now it sort of feels like it is.
I Took a nap yesterday. In the middle of the day. After a full night’s sleeep. Granted, I was a littttttle sick but usually a headache isn’t enough to warrant a nap for me. And I woke up feeling like a loser, a failure, a bum who doesn’t contribute anything to anyone. Who am I? What should I be doing ? Do I dare admit to my strongly conservative audience that being a housewife and only a housewife sometimes isn’t enough ? Do I have a personality, or do I just have emotions?
I’m Jobless. By choice. It’s been a good thing mostly; it’s left me with time to do things for other people: cook, drive a dozen kids to school, go with family members to take their children to appointments, move in to watch the kids when parents go away, babysit, and lots of other things. But the indecisive part of me (maybe My biggest personality trait right now) will always wonder if that was the right choice. I spend hours almost every day Listening to other people’s children’s secrets. And the mother in me always wishes I could hug them tight, and never let the big bad world hurt them again. (I guess nurturing is another personality trait.) I’m Left dizzy when the little girls go home after 1 or 2 or 3.5 hours, leaving behind accidental pink watercolour splashes on the walls (and these are old-house painted-over wallpaper walls, next to impossible to clean) and pepper seeds on the floor. And about that pepper: I’m mourning that red pepper. It was my last red pepper, meant to tide my (almost) daily pepper eating habit over til I go shopping in two weeks. I can’t believe that I’m at a place in my life where I care this much about a red pepper. (Pettiness, selfishness, small world view: these are parts of my personality I’m mostly in denial about.) Vulnerable. That’s my personality. I love easily. Too easily maybe. I give everyone I know the chance to hurt me. And sometimes they really do. Chaotic. If you ever come To my house you’ll totally believe that one.
I don’t know what else to write. I think I got the wrong day to write about my personality. Feeling slightly depressed does not lend itself of objectiveness or positivity.
The next topic is Things that Make me Happy. So you can look forward to more cheerful words tomorrow.
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