An Extraordinary Art Form

DAY 24: Write About a Lesson You’ve Learned 

 I’ve learned a lot of things the last few years. In reality I know I’ve always been learning things. But the things I’ve learned have changed over the years. For instance, at 15 I was learning how to drive properly. At 25, I’ve been learning the wrong things to say to my mother-in-law. That last sentence was fabricated purely for the drama. My mother-in-law is totally amazing and accepting and will never make me feel like I said or did the wrong thing. 

People are the good teachers. Life is a better teacher. Experience is the best teacher. Again, this I just said to sound wise. I’m not 100% sure of the truth of it. I hate it that I feel the need to write a disclaimer after everything I write. I’m truly not that insecure.

maybe I am. 

When I read the today’s assignment  I was envisioning writing about a life lesson. That’s not what I’m writing about, although there are truly plenty of those I could include. Some I think I have written about it the past; others could be a springboard for a future post. Meanwhile, today’s lesson is more of a .... can’t find the right words to finish that sentence. Read on to find out what I mean . 

A Lesson I Learned: the Art of the Fake Smile 

This lesson I learned from people, Two of my beautiful sisters to be exact. One of them is technically an in-law so I’ll refer to them as sis and sil to differentiate.  

This is something that had never occurred to me, and maybe never would have if my sis hadn’t told me about a way she had fun while she shopped. “I like to fake smile at people and see if I can get them to [real] smile back,” she told me one day when we were walking through a Sears store in Winnipeg. Fake smile. I was too busy real smiling at people or else awkwardly trying to avoid them to even imagine faking a smile, much less doing it just for a reaction and making a game out of it. It sounded like fun. I decided to try it. It was as fun as she had told me it was and it worked wonders on other Holdemans who were strangers that  I saw in Super Store and didn’t want to talk to. 

disclaimer #952: I never said it was a kind thing. 

A couple years later I got to know my sil. She didn’t use fake smiling as a game. She used it as a weapon, I noticed. And over time I realized this is an effective weapon, maybe more a protection, and started to use it more and use it better. If I fake smile at someone’s well-intentioned words that were aimed just a little wrong, the deliverer will never realize how badly they hurt me. Better yet, a fake smile in advance can sometimes prevent those awkward words from ever happening. A fake smile can keep laughter from bubbling up at the wrong time. If I really perfect it, a fake smile can keep the “are you okay?” questions from the people close to me at bay. It can persuade a child that I’m still the controlled adult they’re trusting, even when I’m breaking inside. And maybe, just like legend says, my own fake smile will persuade myself to be genuinely happy.